WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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