She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
