Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
