Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize