i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
