I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
