So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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