Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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