dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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