She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
