She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My ass is underappreciated
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
