just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
