Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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