yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
