So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
