I have demons in me.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
