at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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