I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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