Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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