just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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