did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
