The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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