He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
