Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
