Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
