I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wear drunk well.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
