your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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