I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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