It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
