So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
