We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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