Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
