im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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