why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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