she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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