I got her a Nickelback box set.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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