You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
