I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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