i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
