Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize