I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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