Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
