your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
