On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
