i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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