fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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