Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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