omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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