Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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