He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
