4 words: hood of his car
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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