I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
