My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
