At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am one with the molecules
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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