So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
