And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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