It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
