the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize