i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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