i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
