we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
