been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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