can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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