The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
where am i from again
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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