just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
