when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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