just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize