I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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